Therapist reveals phrases couples use that tell her the relationship is doomed
22nd September 2023

Every relationship hits a bump in the road at some point or another.

Some of us are able to work through our differences with our partner without too much trouble, but others benefit from a mediator.

Couples therapy is a path many partners choose to fix their problems, but one therapist shared some tell-tale phrases that tell her the relationship is doomed.

Kristina Virro, a psychotherapist from Ontario, spoke on TikTok about the ‘red-flag’ statements her clients make.

She said: ‘The first one is when somebody in the room says, “well, this is just who I am”.

‘Here’s what I hear when somebody says that – “I have no desire to change my behaviours whatsoever. This is what you signed up for, so you better just accept it”.

‘It’s just this air of close mindedness and an unwillingness to turn inward to figure out how can they make this relationship better.’

Just my personal opinion but I’m curious about what other therapists would say! #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthtiktoks #therapy #therapist #therapytiktok #therapistsoftiktoks #foryou #fyp #relationship #relationships #marriage #redflag #redflags #couplestherapy

While this does sound like a pretty stubborn comment to make to your significant other, Kristina said this wasn’t the biggest red flag she sees when talking to couples.

She added: ‘The biggest red flag, I would say, is when one or both partners literally have stopped giving a s**t about anything in the relationship.

‘This is the person that has kicked and screamed, been angry, voiced their needs, and this might have gone on for weeks, months or years, and now they’re so physically and emotionally exhausted and discouraged that they genuinely just don’t care what their partner does.

‘Like, “okay, you wanna go cheat on me? Fine, whatever, I don’t even really care”.’

Kristina believes that if you begin feeling apathetic towards your partner ‘the chances of getting your relationship back are about 1%’.

She claims that this is why couples should make an effort to go to couples therapy early.

‘At least if you go to couples therapy when you’re angry, to me, there’s still hope,’ she said.

The video got nearly one million views on TikTok, with people agreeing that these signs are the point of no return.

A wife commented: ‘My husband has told me “this is how I am” so I’m like okay, time to save up.’

Another agreed, sharing: ‘I had so many conversations with an ex about what I needed and it never came so I stopped talking about it. Said he was blindsided when I broke up with him.’

But some felt that reaching the stage of indifference was ‘freeing’ and Kristina could see where they were coming from.

One commenter even said: ‘I found myself thinking ‘I don’t really care anymore’ and it’s so liberating.’

Kristina replied: ‘I believe this is why people end up preferring this place —because it’s much less exhausting and empowering even if it ultimately feels crappy still.’

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