DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover is cheating on me – with his wife.
I’m 25 and have been in love with a married man for about three years.
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He’s 40 and used to be my personal trainer. But we only started seeing each other after I finished my course of classes with him.
He knew I had a crush on him when he taught me and he used to flirt shamelessly.
So I couldn’t believe my luck when, a few months after I completed my course, I ran into him in a pub.
He was out with some friends but we ended up sloping off together to have sex. Ever since then, we’ve been having a passionate affair.
He’s so sexy — bald and fit — and intelligent. I also find the fact he’s older a real turn-on.
He has always told me he no longer loves his wife, but stays with her for their kids’ sake. He says he hasn’t slept with her for years and that they don’t have much in common.
But last week my best friend told me she had seen him out with his wife in town. She said they were holding hands and laughing.
She says he is using me and I should end it before I get even more hurt.
I don’t think I can. He means everything to me.
Guys my age seem so boring and immature in comparison.
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Things have definitely changed lately. He used to promise that one day he’d leave his wife and we could move in together.
Now, when I mention it, he says we are better off as friends with benefits.
I find myself crying every day, trying to work out what I’ve done wrong, and why he rarely wants to see me any more.
I don’t know how I could ever live without him.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry, but I have to be brutally honest with you.
This man is married and has almost certainly told you what he thought you wanted to hear. If he was going to leave his wife for you, he’d have done so by now.
It sounds like he’s grown tired of your relationship, which no longer excites him. He’s even told you he only wants you for occasional sex.
He is not someone who you could ever trust. He seems to have no qualms about cheating on his wife or lying to you both.
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, explains more about the pitfalls of affairs.
I promise you, you can live without this man. And you’ll do better than that – you will find someone who deserves your time and love.
Please don’t waste more of your life on him.
Lean on your friends for support.When you find the strength to end this, my support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help.
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