DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover told me I was all he wanted and that he was ready for us to build a future together — but it turns out it was all a lie.
I knew it was never going to be easy, we were both married after all, but I never expected him to cut me off like this.
I’m 39, he’s 40 and we met at work five years ago.
For the first two years our relationship was platonic. It was only after he left for another job that we grew closer.
Our marriages were breaking down and we found ourselves confiding in each other for support.
The love between us grew stronger and stronger until we couldn’t fight it any more.
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As soon as we slept together neither of us could stay away. I spent every waking moment thinking of him when we were apart.
We fell head over heels for each other and I honestly believed we had something real . . . until the day our spouses found out.
His wife had grown suspicious and searched his phone. When she found the evidence of our affair she sent screenshots to my husband.
I felt awful for what I’d done and broke things off with my husband. I expected my lover to leave his wife, but to my surprise when I went to text him I discovered he had blocked me on everything.
Since then I’ve heard nothing from him. I’m heartbroken and I can’t understand why he would do this.
I’m so confused.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your lover may have been telling the truth about wanting to leave his wife, but that doesn’t mean when push came to shove he was ready or willing to do it.
The reality of uprooting your whole life is entirely different from romantic notions of new passions and excitement.
He may have decided to try to work at his marriage and his wife could well have stipulated that he is banned from contacting you.
Being cut out of his life so abruptly will be deeply hurtful so take your time to grieve for the future you thought you might share.
But it’s also best to accept that the relationship is over and focus your sights on moving on. That way you can create a space in your life for someone who is completely willing and available for you.
My support pack Mending A Broken Heart will help you with this.
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