DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER my lover’s partner caught us having sex in the back of his van, my lover called off our affair.
He’d promised me he was all set to leave her and move in with me but he’s gone running back to her while I am desperate to be with him.
We met at work ten years ago and clicked straight away but after two years I got my dream job as an air hostess and we drifted apart.
Inevitably he got together with someone else who got pregnant straight away.
They have two daughters, now six and four.
We are both 33 now and I’ve never married or had children.
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I’m still working as an air hostess but have given up the glamour of long haul as my mum is really ill and I need to be near home to look after her.
I couldn’t believe it when I bumped into him on a night out recently and those same intense feelings came flooding back.
We spoke all night together and then agreed to meet a week later for a drink.
When we did, he quickly admitted he was unhappy in his relationship and still felt exactly the same about me.
We started an intense affair. The sex was even better than I remembered.
One night he parked up at a well-known beauty spot and we got in the back of van to have sex.
Suddenly there was a hammering on the doors.
He went white as a sheet as a woman started screaming at us to open up.
She was yelling all sorts of obscenities while he was mouthing to be quiet and still.
Eventually she must have thought he was elsewhere because she stormed off in her car.
Immediately after he got dressed and drove me back home.
He told me not to worry that he’d “sort it” and would be in touch.
It’s been one month and all I’ve had is one text saying, “If I leave her, she’ll make sure I never see the kids. Sorry.”
DEIDRE SAYS: This man is special to you but risking losing contact with his children is a grim price for him to pay – and even if he genuinely cares for you he may decide it’s too high.
If he contacts you, tell him how strongly you feel and ask what he plans, but don’t hang around indefinitely.
If his girlfriend and children are the bigger pull for him then you’ll have to accept that.
If not he can get advice on how to fight for good contact through Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363).
My support pack Your Lover Not Free? may help you to decide if this relationship is worth the fight.
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