I'm back with my husband in body, but my mind is still with my younger lover | The Sun
26th August 2023

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I’m back with my wonderful husband, I can’t get my lover out of my head or the amazing sexual connection we shared. 

I wish there was a way I could have them both, but I know I can’t have my cake and eat it too.

I’m 34, my husband is 39, and we’ve been married for seven years.

We have always had a great relationship but over time I started to get bored.

So when I met a gorgeous man on a night out I couldn’t stop myself from giving him my number.

He was tall, blond, and five years younger than me. There was instant sexual tension between us and I found him completely irresistible.

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We quickly became embroiled in an intense love affair and I found myself falling for him hard and fast.

After a few months I’d convinced myself that he was the one for me, so I upped and left my husband. 

Initially I had no regrets about my decision, but over time I started to miss him, our dog, our home and the life we’d built together.

I realised I’d completely taken him for granted and I started to spiral.

The next thing I knew I was on his doorstep begging for forgiveness. 

It took a few weeks, but eventually, he agreed to try again.  I thought that would be the end of it, but ever since I’ve been unable to get my lover off my mind. I miss him. 

Is it possible to be in love with them both? I’m so confused. What if I’ve made the wrong choice?

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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s not uncommon to be drawn to more than one person but you sound very confused.

You are making several impulsive decisions and inevitably wobbling after making huge life-changing decisions.

Please slow down and take time to work out what you want. 

Ultimately your husband is the one you made a vow to, and you owe it to him to work on your marriage. 

Things with your lover will have felt new and exciting but that initial sexual attraction doesn’t necessarily translate into a lasting relationship.

It’s clear you were longing for some romance and excitement with your husband so focus on communicating those needs.

You’ll need to ask him what he needs in order to rebuild your relationship also.

My support packs Torn Between Two Men and Looking After Your Relationship will help you think this through.

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