In this week’s How I Do It, our sex and love diary, we tackle a common problem in the bedroom: the sex slump.
Alice*, 25, is in a long-term relationship and is madly in love with her partner, Derek* – but their sex life has fallen into a routine.
Although their bedroom activities are still great, lockdown has had a tough run at this couple, who have spent majority of the past six months apart. They also have very different work schedules, which gets in the way.
Is it time to spice things up? Let’s find out.
I’m seeing my boyfriend tonight. We don’t live together and usually only get to see each other twice a week – so when we do, we usually have sex, and tonight is no different.
We both like it a little rough and kinky but tend to keep it pretty vanilla on weeknights when we’re tired and have to be up early.
We have sex and fall asleep, but a few hours later, Derek gently wakes me up after he has a sex dream in the middle of the night. This has happened a few times before and he knows I like the spontaneity of it.
Derek often jokes that my sex drive is much higher than his, but I’m not really feeling it at the minute. I’m in a bit of a slump.
We’ve been together for nearly three years and sometimes I worry we’re stuck in a routine where we do the same things, but we’ve tried a lot of different positions over the years and we know what works for both of us.
It might sound boring but I’ve never felt bored.
We’re both terrible in the morning, particularly when we’re in a rush and have to go to work so it’s just a quick cuddle and a kiss goodbye.
Our work schedules don’t line up well this week so I won’t see him again until Friday.
There was once a point in time where I would have filled the time in-between seeing my boyfriend by using toys, but they’ve barely been touched lately.
We spent a few months apart during lockdown, unable to see each other because I was shielding, and obviously it meant we were both relying more on masturbation.
Since being back together, I feel quite satisfied by just having sex a few times a week. Initially, when we saw each other again, we were having a lot of sex to make up for lost time but we’ve settled into our usual vibe since.
I feel like another lockdown is looming and while I won’t be going away this time, we will have to be apart as we’re not in a position to bubble up right now.
Maybe that will reinvigorate my sex drive.
Most days I don’t think a lot about sex. I have a busy job and a lot of stressful life events going on at the minute.
Derek tries to send a few teasing texts but I’m not really in the mood. I let him down gently and fall asleep.
My boyfriend comes for dinner but we have a mild disagreement. I think it’s mainly because I’m grumpy and exhausted so I tell him I don’t want to have sex.
Derek looks a little disappointed but always respects when I’m just not in the mood.
We cuddle and say goodnight.
I wake up feeling much brighter and we don’t have much to do this morning.
Derek has work later but we have a few hours to laze around.
These are my favourite times. When we’re not tired and stressed or worried about getting up early the next morning. We’ll chat and laugh until things naturally turn to sex.
We don’t rush and he spends a long time on the foreplay. Derek knows the exact combination of clit and nipple play to make me orgasm, followed by fairly rough penetrative sex.
My boyfriend takes antidepressants and they’ve never affected his ability to get an erection, but often mean he can’t climax. Derek always says that my orgasm is more important to him but it just feels unfinished without his climax, too.
He switched to a different antidepressant a few weeks ago and it’s been great – if anything he comes too quickly now, but I don’t mind that as much.
We’re both working today and won’t see each other until Tuesday.
In a few months, we are moving in together and I think he believes we’re going to have a lot more sex, but most couples I know say that’s not the case.
I’m very comfortable and happy in our relationship and while sex is part of that, it doesn’t matter how much or when we’re having it, as long as we’re both talking about how we’re feeling around it.
*Names have been changed.
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
Fancy taking part yourself? Email Metro Lifestyle for more information.
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