Andy Cohen makes a surprise appearance as himself on the premiere of FX's American Horror Story: Delicate, while Kim Kardashian made her much-anticipated debut, giving us her best Kris Jenner impression.
We knew reality star Kim Kardashian was starring in American Horror Story: Delicate in her big dramatic acting debut in a lead role, but we didn’t expect reality executive Andy Cohen to join her in the premiere. With Emma Roberts’ Hollywood starlet role, though, it does make sense, as Andy just plays himself.
He even offered up his Watch What Happens Live set for the scene, which features Roberts’ Anna Victoria Alcott making her late-night debut. Her character is a former CW star whose latest film project is suddenly thrusting her into the spotlight and even getting awards show buzz.
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Kardashian plays her publicist and best friend Siobhan Corbyn and she’s very Kim Kardashian in the role, with a dash of Kris Jenner. We’d say she sounds somewhat artificial in her line deliveries, but all the KarJenners sound that way in real life, so she’s kind of just playing herself here.
So far, the role isn’t taxing her too much so it was … fine. She wasn’t giving us anything to write home about, though many online were digging her more than we were. At the same time, we have to say the somewhat plastic look and deliveries actually fit this premiere, filtered as it was through Anna’s clearly unwell perspective.
As promised, this season is all about the trappings of fame and motherhood, and all the challenges that come with both. In Anna’s case, she’s in the midst of a grueling IVF journey with her partner Dexter Harding (Matt Czuchry) even as her career is blowing up.
She finds herself trying to juggle her desire to start a family with her burgeoning career. It’s a juggling act many women in Hollywood have faced, and too many of them have seen their careers suffer for choosing to start a family.
The other part of the trailers for this season that kept us creeped out was all the spider imagery, and that didn’t stop in this premiere, either. One of the first moments we got was shortly after she took a weird suppository (that has to be kept refrigerated!).
She started pulling what appeared to be a loose hair from her head only for it to keep coming and coming and coming and coming like some kind of spider silk or something. Apparently, Anna has spiders on the brain, too, because one of her concerns is that her eggs are so dried up she’d have a spider baby.
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At another point, Dexter pulls a spider from her head, which is innocent enough. It’s just that he does so with this weird intensity and odd look. There are a lot of these jarring moments that left us unsure if what we’re seeing is really what’s happening, or if it’s being filtered through some kind of illness or breakdown Anna is experiencing.
As is typical of any AHS season, we find ourselves not trusting any of these b—hes and wanting to protect Anna at all costs. Even Siobhan, who seems to have her best interests at heart, has us suspicious, and don’t get us started on Dexter. From the dude’s name to those dead eyes — he’s definitely up to something.
The only person we can trust other than Anna is Andy Cohen, because we believe the host was just being himself. No, literally, he was playing himself. He did get a moment where he was allowed to act, when Anna saw the creepy old lady in his crowd and he asked if she was okay.
It wasn’t much, but good on you, Andy, for going for it. We were a little more surprised when both Andy and Anna made some pretty aggressive jabs at Vanderpump Rules star Tom Sandoval — he of the “Scandoval” cheating scandal that rocked this nation a few months back.
Talking about her scary movie, Andy said actresses would have killed to get that part and Anna joked that she had killed someone to get it. Andy then asked if that someone was Tom Sandoval.
“No, but I f–ked Tom Sandoval to get on this show,” Anna shot back.
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Here are the things that are currently creeping us out and confusing us:
- All the spider imagery — ick!
- Dexter appearing to gaslight Anna at every turn — what did she do so wrong at the gallery premiere (and did he really tell her about it?)?
- The creepy older woman who keeps following Anna around, and then shows up every time Dr. Hill drugs her to harvest her eggs or insert an embryo.
- Dr. Hill is pretty creepy too, but we’ll chalk that up to another stellar Denis O’Hare. He could just be a regular doctor who’s a little weird, or there may be more to it.
- Those suppositories! Seriously, why do they have to be refrigerated? And why did the thread/hair thing happen right after? Is she insert spider eggs or spiders into her body?
- Whoever/whatever the hell was in her bedroom at the start and end of the episode. It ran like the Scream killers, so we’re thinking it’s real, whoever it is. Is this the same stalker who keeps showing up everywhere?
- Those creepy Summer Day dolls. How did that one get in her purse (did she do it and she’s losing time, or did someone else do it and they’re messing with her?). And what about the one in her WWHL dressing room with the X on its abdomen? Is Siobhan (who was there) messing with her?
- Who is Sonia, Dexter’s new artist for his gallery opening, really, and why does she look exactly like his dead ex-wife Adeline, and why was she lurking in the bathroom when Anna and Adeline’s BFF Talia were talking/reconciling?
- Now that we know Anna and Siobhan met at an IVF support group, we’re even more suspiciuos of Siobhan. How did Anna learn about Dr. Hill anyway? Does Siobhan know something about that? Is she jealous that Anna might be having more success than her?
- Is Dexter a doting husband or is he gaslighting Anna? Why doesn’t she remember talking about his gallery opening? Plus, who’s moving her calendar items on her phone, tearing up notes in her house, and even tearing up the photo of their embryo and smearing Talia’s red lipstick everywhere. Is it her stalker (the person who was in the apartment), or is Anna fragmenting? Is this gonna be some Fight Club thing?
- Why does someone/something seem to not want Anna to go through with getting pregnant? From changing her appointments to tearing up the note to the ending shot of someone writing, “Don’t do it Anna,” the message appears to be clear. But who’s so invested in this and why? Talia said she didn’t want kids, and she loved Dexter’s dead ex-wife Adeline, so maybe she has it out for Anna and doesn’t want Dexter moving on so much as to start a family.
- Did we mention we don’t trust Dexter? Or anyone for that matter.
- Oh, and we’re still not over the creepy, older lady ripping her tongue out (or something like that) and then stooping down to kiss/bite Anna, whose mouth had been sewn shut. Sure, it was probably a drug-induced hallucination — she was getting the embryo implanted at the time — but clearly there’s something about this lady she keeps seeing.
- What happened at the gallery opening that suddenly had Dexter wanting to take Anna outside, like she’s screwing up this thing that’s for him. All we saw was her meet the artist, who’s a big fan of hers and creepy (like everyone else) and then jump when Dexter touched her. What’s going on?!?
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And here’s how social media is reacting to the premiere:
Kim Kard-Acting
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