What your sex noises say about your relationship – and 5 ways to improve it | The Sun
4th December 2022

DO you give it the big “ooh” between the sheets? We decode those weird sex sounds so you don’t have to.

If there’s one time we make weird noises, it’s during sex.


From moans and groans to “oohs” and “aahs”, it might seem involuntary, but those sounds can say a lot about you and your relationship.

A survey of almost 2,000 Brits by preloved retail site Vivastreet found the thing you most fear hearing is your partner calling out someone else’s name.

Meanwhile, the noisiest in bed tend to be new couples, with a survey by Illicitencounters.com finding 73% of women and 68% of men are more vocal at the start of a sexual relationship.

So what do your sounds signal, and which could boost your sex life? 

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Which noise do you make?

HEAVY BREATHING

You’ll be pleased to hear that sex counts as light to moderate exercise – the average steamy sesh uses roughly the same amount of energy as playing ping pong or doing the fox trot.

In fact, men burn 4.2 calories a minute during sex, and women 3.2, according to researchers from University of Quebec, Montreal – and it’s cheaper than the gym! 

But don’t put all the heavy breathing that happens during sex down to being out of breath or a bit unfit.

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Our bodies need to release adrenalin to get aroused.

The release of this chemical (from the adrenal glands on top of the kidneys) is usually needed to activate our fight or flight mechanism, but during sex, it’s used to increase our heart rate and send more blood to the man’s penis so it can get erect, and to the woman’s clitoris, so it enlarges and grows more responsive.

It’s that spike of adrenalin that increases our breathing rate and makes us pant.

MOANING

While moans of pleasure are the noise 33% of men and 34% of women find most sexy, sometimes, something else is going on.

Barbara Santini, psychologist and sex advisor at online sex shop Peachesandscreams.co.uk, says: “When a woman fake moans, they want their partner to orgasm more quickly and end the session.”

Yep, it might come as an ego blow to some blokes out there, but according to one study, 66% of women have admitted to upping their moans and groans in order to deliberately speed up their partner’s orgasm.

HIGH-PITCHED TONES

Find yourself a few octaves higher at certain times of the month?

This could be a good sign if you’re trying to conceive.

Ovulation can affect a woman’s vocalisations and make us more audible in the bedroom as a result.

Women have been found to have higher-pitched voices around the two days when they release an egg ready to be fertilised.

The experts behind the study argue it may be an unconscious way that females signal high fertility to males, and that it plays into general beliefs that higher voices are more attractive and feminine. 

SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

It’s thought that women are loudest in the bedroom, with experts putting it down to their orgasms being more intense.

Research by Illicitencounters.com found 82% of heterosexual women said they were more vocal during love-making than their male partners.

The site’s sex and relationships counsellor Jessica Leoni says: "The bundle of nerves in a woman’s clitoris is much larger than it is in a penis, giving women added pleasure when they climax.”

That perhaps explains why they make more noises.

Another reason women may be more vocal between the sheets, says Jessica, is thanks to the surge of bonding hormone oxytocin that’s released – it’s what makes women more prone to post-nooky chats.

Men, meanwhile, often prefer their actions to do the talking in bed.

Testosterone can dampen the buzz from their own oxytocin hit, which helps explain why, according to Jessica: “Many men are less reluctant on the whole to discuss intimacy and connection after sex.”

Channel that noise into better sex

Using your lungs can genuinely boost your time between the sheets, so be loud and proud.

Men and women who make more of a racket in bed tend to say they are more sexually satisfied than those who don’t, according to a study in the Journal Of Social And Personal Relationships.

Here’s how to reap those benefits…

For Better Communication

There’s definitely some truth to the lyric: “You say it best when you say nothing at all.”

Sex and relationships counsellor Rhian Kivits explains: “It’s sometimes easier for partners to communicate using a combination of noises and gestures, rather than words, to demonstrate their levels of pleasure, or even to direct their partner gently towards what they want.

This can feel more subtle and less intrusive than words and can support a sense of flow during love-making.” 

So rather than saying: “A bit more to the right, please,” or: “Yep, that’s the spot,” the moans you make when they touch a certain part of your body can be a short-hand way to tell your partner what feels good, without stopping for a chat.

For Getting In The Zone

When looking at brain scans, researchers have found more than 30 different areas of the brain light up during sex and orgasm, while other parts close down, with some researchers believing this puts us in a trance-like state.

Moaning rather than talking allows you to enjoy the primal physical sensations of sex, and means you won’t snap back to using the more sophisticated parts of your brain that govern language.

For Feeling Bonded

“If your partner gets excited hearing you shout during sex, then that can be a rewarding communication that bonds partners and encourages them to do it again,” says professor Barry Komisaruk, psychologist and author of The Science Of Orgasm.

Calling out your partner’s name has been found to help strengthen a relationship, while in heterosexual couples, psychologists Gayle Brewer and Colin Hendrie found that women making noise in bed had “positive effects on male self-esteem”, which: “May help strengthen the bond and decrease the risk of emotional infidelity and abandonment.” 

Remember, You Don’t Have To Scream The House Down

You really don’t have to scream and shout to enjoy sex, though – some of us just prefer to go quiet while concentrating or fantasising. 

“The key to enjoyment is to do what is right for you,” says Rhian.

“Those who don’t make noises may be holding themselves back, anxious that they will be overheard by others or even worried that their partners will judge them.

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But it’s definitely about personal style.

We can’t expect everyone to behave in the same way – sexual habits are so individual and varied.” So, you do you! 

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