I'm refusing to attend my best friend's wedding – people say I'm out of line but I have my reasons | The Sun
13th September 2023

A WEDDING guest has divided opinions after revealing multiple excuses for why she doesn’t want to attend her best friend’s nuptials.

The 25-year-old woman said that her best friend, 25, of over a decade was a bridesmaid at her own big day and was upset when she explained her reasons for not attending.

She penned a lengthy post on Reddit venting about the price of attending her friend’s destination ceremony.

The woman revealed she is saving to buy a house and also complained about her husband not being invited.

She wrote: “My (25F) best friend (25F) and I have been incredible friends for over a decade. 

“She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and put a lot of time, energy, and money into throwing showers, bachelorette parties, etc.

“Well, now she is engaged and is planning a destination wedding (accommodations and all meals will be paid for). 

“She stated that she does not want any showers, parties, or even gifts because she'd rather people put that towards the plane ticket.

“Tickets are about $700-1300 roundtrip depending on the airline.”

The woman explained that just 20 people were invited to the wedding and all of the guests would be staying together for one week at a large property.

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She said: “I am saving to purchase a home in a few years and told my friend that I wouldn't make her wedding.

“I cited two reasons: Finances and the fact that my husband can't attend.

“I brought these issues up to her and told her I wouldn't make it. 

“She and my other best friend (who is also attending) said they would help in any way they could with the financial part of it.”

The woman said they had planned for her to share a room with her other best friend and everyone else attending the wedding is the couple’s close family.

She added that the bride’s fiancé has never met her husband and they didn’t invite him due to limited space. 

Speaking about the bride, she continued: “She sent me a relatively upset message, saying that she was disappointed in my decision because she felt she did everything she could to help (money-wise) facilitate my attendance but that I was unwilling to help find a solution.

“AITA [am I the a**hole] for saying no to attending my best friend's wedding?

“While it's nice that accommodations and meals are paid for, I'd still have to find a dress and cover other various expenses along the way.”

Thousands of people reacted to the post and a stream of commenters argued the woman was wrong to not attend the wedding.

One person wrote: “YTA [you are the a**hole].

“While you can choose what you spend your money on, it honestly seems like you're grasping at straws for reasons not to go. 

“They said they would help with money and that they only want you there. 

“You must not care for your friend very much, because I would be devastated if I were the bride, having been there and done so much for you and getting absolutely nothing in return, not even your presence.”

Another commented: “YTA [you are the a**hole]. 

“I was initially going to go the other way because destination weddings are often selfish, ‘pay your own way’ setups, but I think you're the selfish one here. 

“They didn't invite close family so you could have a spot, are paying for everything over there, and are offering financial help with your ticket.

“And you're whining about a dress after this friend dropped everything to be a bridesmaid at your wedding. 

“You need to figure out what feelings are lying underneath this because I see some jealousy peeking through.”

A third said: “YTA [you are the a**hole] in my opinion. 

“The amount of the trip is negligible when it comes to saving for a house.

"That $700- $1300 is not what's going to stand between you and a house.

“If it were that crucial you could literally make other everyday sacrifices if it meant that much to be with your ‘best friend’.

“You can also do without your husband for a few days and quite frankly him not being able to go actually works in your favor when it comes to finances because that's one less person you'll have to pay for. 

“Your husband being invited would double your budget. 

“Your decision to not go is really messed up considering you call her incredible and how much time, energy, and money she put into your wedding. 

“You're being so selfish with this decision.”

Others defended the woman and claimed she wasn’t wrong to refuse to attend the wedding.

One penned: “NTA [not the a**hole]. 

“Financials aside, I cannot fathom the concept of inviting someone to a wedding without their spouse solely because they ‘don't know the spouse that well.’ 

“That's just insulting.

"If my girlfriend was explicitly not invited to something like this, I'd politely refuse to go based on that alone.

“Also how is it that she was a bridesmaid at your wedding and is supposedly your best friend for over a decade but claims not to know your husband that well? 

“Does not compute, that just sounds like an excuse to not invite him.”

Another added: “NTA [not the a**hole].

“I don’t see anyone really mentioning this…taking a week off for a wedding to share a room with a friend is not only financially expensive for the flight, but it could also be most of your vacation time for the entire year.


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“So you would be forced to spend most of your time off with a friend and others you’re not close with besides the bride-to-be.

"Hard pass for me.”

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